Category: Essays

I always run up the stairs at my parents’ house on all fours. Even today. For starters, it’s covered in blue carpet that invites squeezing, which is one of several things I am able to do with my hands. And, because you’re probably now wondering, other hand skills include playing guitar, coarsely tearing sensitive documents… Continue reading Kicking Down Doors →

I don’t know if you can tell, but I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I wake up in the morning and think, Wouldn’t it be great if I had any idea what I’m doing? Then I get on the bus and let the day carry me away to my unknown future. On the… Continue reading 6 Signs That You Have No Idea What You’re Doing →

Published by The Rumpus Readers Report | This is Herschel. Herschel is an upright rhinoceros wearing an un-shirted dickey, suspenders, and broad striped tie, standing in front of a swing set at dusk. He moves rarely, maybe never. He watches what I say and what I do. He scoffs knowingly and regularly. When I was… Continue reading This is Herschel →

Published by The Rumpus Readers Report | My Imagination and I met at a party in Kathy Muldoon’s basement. Her basement smelled like guinea pigs because Kathy Muldoon’s sister, Mary Muldoon, kept guinea pigs down there, and I commented to My Imagination that it very much smelled like guinea pigs. My Imagination agreed, and we pretty much… Continue reading Running Away With My Imagination →